You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
i now understand why vodka
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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