Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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