We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
