So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
