Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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