It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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