Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
