we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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