I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
