So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
