I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
honey bunches of taint.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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