I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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