I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
