her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
