I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
