At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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