Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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