Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
