there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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