Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
