I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Enjoy the penises
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
