Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Randomize
