***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
