Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
