kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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