we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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