He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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