i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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