Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
