He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
