i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
