Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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