Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
