Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
