Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
