My entire life is one complicated drinking game
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
40s are totally the cure
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
