i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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