You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I'm always down for nudity.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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