like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
