Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
