??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
