You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
