You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
