good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
