im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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