im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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