why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
