you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
