i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
