dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
