my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
