I accidentally had phone sex last night
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
