he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
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I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
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Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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