dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
