I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Life is so much better after having sex.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
