I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
