i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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