rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
