how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
