dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
