I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Randomize
