he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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