C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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