Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
