he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
