people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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