They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
