i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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